Photographer Parikha Mehta on Teaching Her Sons to Show Up With Curiosity, Resilience, and Determination
At Forge & Finish, we create distinctive handcrafted metal designs for the modern woman. As part of our dedication to the inspiring women we know and love, we’re celebrating the working moms in our creative community in a series of interviews. Next up in our series, we hear from photographer Parikha Mehta, who discusses launching her business while keeping her full-time job and reminds us that balance is a moving target that looks different for everyone.
What was the pivotal moment that inspired you to launch your own business?
I launched my photography business during my second pregnancy, and I honestly wasn’t very serious about it; it just seemed like a good time to take a chance and try it out. I had been photographing as a hobby for a few years and I was looking for new ways to grow creatively, which meant, at that time, creating visual stories for people outside my own family. I assumed being a professional was the only way anyone would take me seriously enough to let me in to make that kind of work. It’s important to point out that the barrier to entry into photography is pretty low; there isn’t a lot of paperwork, upfront cost, or ongoing overhead if you don’t do studio work. I also wanted to keep my day job. When you have another stable source of income that provides health insurance and a 401(k), the only thing you really have to lose in trying a side hustle is your pride. I’m incredibly fortunate to have had a safety net, but it also makes my story pretty boring and atypical as far as creative career trajectories go — there was no breakthrough moment of courage or bravery, just some scrounging-up of self-motivation and putting my ego aside.
What is the biggest challenge you’ve faced running your own business and how did you overcome it?
It can be lonely. (And that’s coming from someone who really likes being alone.) I haven’t totally overcome this, to be honest, but I think I’ve made peace with it.
How did becoming a mama change your approach to your work life?
Before I had kids, I carried normal first-generation South Asian American ambitions: set yourself up to enter a stable career and then just continue pushing yourself forward, forward, forward. Predictable story: after my first son was born, my perspective was turned upside down. I still had ambition, but I was also totally in love with this person who couldn’t do anything for themselves, and I wanted to be everything for him. I carried a lot of guilt for being a working mom — guilt for sending my children to daycare so I could keep my job, and also guilt for not always pushing myself 110% at work (my full-time career) so I could keep reasonable hours for the kids. I deliberately passed up career development opportunities in the name of work/life balance, and it would really surprise 20-year-old me to learn that I don’t regret it one bit. Over a decade into motherhood, I still carry guilt, but I understand how to manage it better. There’s just no way to be everything, all the time. You can be some of the things some of the time, but never all of it at once.
“I deliberately passed up career development opportunities in the name of work/life balance, and it would really surprise 20-year-old me to learn that I don’t regret it one bit.”
Is there a particular way you structure your day or week to accomplish your career goals and balance having a family? Do you have any time-saving hacks that you’ve incorporated into your daily life?
I almost always get up before everyone else, even on weekends. As an introvert, I need some quiet alone time in the morning before I start interacting with other people. As for time-saving hacks, my best advice is to just let go of the idea that you need to squeeze as much as possible out of every minute of the day. Maybe that’s more of a sanity-saving hack. Also, teach your kids to do things for themselves. I waited maybe a little too long to do this because sometimes I actually like packing their lunches with cute notes and making sure everyone’s closets are meticulously organized, but learning to delegate this stuff to them really is necessary. For me, and for them.
What have been your biggest challenges in the transition to being a working mama? How have you navigated them?
The biggest challenge has probably been figuring how to give marriage the attention it deserves in between work and parenthood. We both work full-time (plus I have this business), so we have to consciously make space for just the two of us. It took a little while to realize that it wasn’t just going to happen by itself; we needed to put in the work of prioritizing it. Pre-pandemic, we’d call a babysitter and go to music shows, or even just dinner around the corner together. After lockdown, we kind of accidentally fell into a wonderful habit of going for walks in the neighborhood without the kids after wrapping up work, even for just 10 minutes. I selfishly and not-so-secretly wish my husband could keep working from home at least a few days a week even after his office reopens, just so we can keep our walks.
How have your notions of what it means to be a mother changed since becoming one?
Before my oldest son was born, I had the mindset of “I need to be everything for this person.” After he was out of his baby years, it turned into “I need to teach this person how to survive without me”. That will be what success looks like for me, as a parent, if they leave our little nest as wholly self-reliant people. Also, when I see an exasperated mom trying to negotiate with a screaming toddler in the middle of Target, I now have nothing but compassion, instead of the abject horror my less-understanding younger self would have had. I was not a baby person pre-motherhood.
“Before my oldest son was born, I had the mindset of “I need to be everything for this person.” After he was out of his baby years, it turned into “I need to teach this person how to survive without me”.”
What do you do to make time for yourself and recharge? Do you have any tricks for getting shut-eye when you need it most?
I have a lot of solitary hobbies — reading, knitting, sewing, baking, etc. All those things went on pause during the baby years, but I can do them again now, and sometimes we even do them together and that helps me recharge, too. When they were babies, we took a lot of walks and trips to the park. Basically, I rely on activities that give me a little mental and personal space while still being present enough to make sure nobody winds up in the emergency room. I’m the last person who should be giving sleep advice, because I never get enough of it, but asking for help when you need it might be a good idea. I’m so bad at that.
What are some of your non-negotiables as a working mom?
Honesty, family reading time, and my Instant Pot.
What do you want your kids to take away from watching their mom work and grow their business?
I’m trying to teach my boys by example that nobody’s obligated to take on prescribed domestic roles in a family. Moms are allowed to be breadwinners, and dads are allowed to make dinner. I also hope they’ll see that it’s possible to create the opportunities you want for yourself; there’s no need to wait for chances to fall in your lap, or for someone else to give you permission to try something. I hope they’ll know they are empowered to go after whatever they want, as long as they show up with curiosity, resilience, and determination.
“I’m trying to teach my boys by example that nobody’s obligated to take on prescribed domestic roles in a family. Moms are allowed to be breadwinners, and dads are allowed to make dinner.”
